My Grandma Hanst and me...

A student of 106

Mu had legends attached to her name.  They are trying to canonize her and I somewhat agree.. But, growing up, I wasn't that impressed with the grown ups who were her children or the foster children.  I was their very junior and I simply couldn't stand them,except for Aunt Helen.  I am impressed now that I have inadvertently attempted to imitate her faith, so to speak and haven't accomplished much in the process.  I analyzed and criticized the whole lot of them in my mind, for this and that flaw and wrong emphasis that I thought they had passed along to us.

My mother was considered the black sheep, for having embraced male headship and leadership in the home.  My father recognized her support for his leadership of the children.  There is hardly a time when I ask my mother that she doesn't remind me to defer to the tradition of the in laws. That is how we were raised and that is what my mother says all the time.  Let the children have all of the benefits of their fathers experience.  I hate that about her, sometimes.

She was raised completely maternal.  Mother was the matriarch and she was completely unchallenged by any man. Pop was gone just about, by the time I met Mu.  But I don't think it would have been any different had he been the father of all those children, instead of just one.  The matriarchy was insisted upon and no man could challenge it.

My parents conviction on the subject isolated them from both sides of the family.  Feminism was completely the culture of my extended family and no man could insist on anything without ridicule.  I know he didn't just open his mouth to try to insist on something was the laughed off response.    It was hard to respect the men, because emir paultry attempts were thought infantile.  I don't know if that was the culture more broadly, as African Americans, but that was the gospel according to Mu.

They were impeccably dressed and hair straightened and braided to the tightest inch on he scalp.  This was the highest conviction.  More than anything else people must look their best at all times.  My parents rejected this philosophy first and for most.  We looked how we looked.  Getting the most skills under the belt, as early in the morning was more important than spending all day doing hair and pressing clothes.  It wasn't playing.  It was skill building.  Boddens get ready quickly and out to do stuff.  Getting the things done is of more importance than how you look doing it.

106 had as many children in it as we did.  They played sports and danced and sang, like we did, but they looked amazing when they did it.  They were the standard that everybody else wanted to be.